Myths about Male Survivors
Myths about Male Survivors
Myth One: Male Survivors will go on to abuse children
This is utter rubbish
Despite any so called evidence that say sexually abused males Could go on to abuse children, they don’t know the full extent of the situation. If every male that was abused as a child were an abuser then the whole world would be in a mess.
The fact of the matter is that only some perpetrators that have been caught, claim to have been abused, this is the only information they have to go on, and because of the nature of the beast, the “dark secret”, people that work out these statistics don’t really know how many survivors there are out there. Also, couple to this the fact that most survivors don’t talk about their abuse, how on earth would they get the true figures.
I found that the survivors I know are actually the opposite, they would go out of their way to protect the children, because of the pain that they endured as children.
This myth is particularly damaging in the lives of survivors with children, because many of us fear the fact that we might be abusers, and this hinders our relationships with our children.
I know that I feared playing games with my daughter when she got to a certain age, becasue of this very fear.
I know a man with five children and 18 or so Grandchildren, and he has never hugged or kissed any of them. The worst thing about this is that he thinks this is normal. Very sad indeed.
Myth 2: Male child sexual abuse is a rare occurrence.
With estimates that 1 in 6 boys is abused by the age of 16, this is definitely a myth. Truth is that it happens every day month in and month out, it could be happening in the house next door to you right now.
Myth 3: Stranger danger
Most abuse cases are perpetrated by Strangers.
What rubbish. Most sexual abuse cases are perpetrated by closes relatives or friends, It takes a perpetrator a while to work his way into a family, gain their trust, gain the trust and friendship of the little boy, manipulate him into a space where the boy is afraid to speak, and then has his way with him. All this takes time, Strangers don’t have this time, as they are suspects before they even say hello.
Myth 4: The child always feels negatively toward the abuser.
Not true. Often the abuser manipulates the child to such an extent that the child actually believes that he loves his abuser.
There is also the Scenario where the father or even mother is the abuser. How does a child not love his mother and father?
Any abuse is very confusing for a child, add to this the secrecy and the lies and this just compounds matters.
Myth 5: Its better not not talk about childhood sexual abuse, JUST FORGET ABOUT IT.
What stories that people come up with!!!
Something that is ignored will only make the family happy and will do nothing for the victim. Often the family will encourage the child to just forget about it, in order to save the “family” embarrasment.
Something that is not dealt with will not go away, and the expression “out of site is out of mind” Definitely does not apply here. We see many men coming to the age of 40, and they then start to have body memories, flashbacks and weird dreams. This all happens because it is “forgotten” about.
Myth 6: Boys cant be sexually abused by women.
Well, again this statement is not true. The male penis, it is often said, Has a “Mind of its own”.
The penis reacts to stimulation, and that stimulation can be in the form of visual stimulation or physical stimulation. If someone touches a young boys penis, and it feels nice, he will be aroused. Often the boy will feel betrayed by his body, and this is here the guilt comes in. The perpetrators use this as a control as well, “see you are enjoying this” Some men feel betrayed by their bodies, and I have heard of men that wanted to cut off or mutilate their Penises, because of this betrayal. Young boys are often sodomised as well, so If the boy gets and erection, he can be raped, or he could be sodomised.
Myth 7: A boy that has a sexual experience with a woman at a young age is “Lucky”
Lets look at a definition of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse occurs when, a person who is more sexually mature, performs a sexual act on a child that is less sexually mature.
So with that said, If a woman of 18 has sex with a boy of 12, that could be classified as abuse. It could even be a girl of 16 with a 12 year old. It is Largely dependant on the sexual maturity of the young boy, and as we all know, girls mature before boys do.
Often the boy will feel that he has been lucky to have had an affair with an older woman, but he will eventually realize, Hopefully, that it does have a massive impact on his life, and not a good one.
The impact of Sexual abuse on the phsyci of the man, has a huge impact on his life, and often the man will not realize the impact that it has had until much later on in his life.